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DCD says it best

Jun. 14th, 2006 | 04:24 pm

I thought that you knew it all
Well youve seen it ten times before.
I thought that you had it down
With both your feet on the ground.
I love slow...slow but deep.
Feigned affections wash over me.
Dream on my dear
And renounce temporal obligations.
Dream on my dear
Its a sleep from which you may not awaken.

You build me up then you knock me down.
You play the fool while I play the clown.
We keep time to the beat of an old slave drum.
You raise my hopes then you raise the odds
You tell me that I dream too much
Now Im serving time in disillusionment.

I dont believe you anymore...i dont believe you.

I thought that I knew it all
Id seen all the signs before.
I thought that you were the one
In darkness my heart was won.

You build me up then you knock me down.
You play the fool while I play the clown.
We keep time to the beat of an old slave drum.
You raise my hopes then you raise the odds
You tell me that I dream too much
Now Im serving time in a domestic graveyard.

I dont believe you anymore...i dont believe you.

Never let it be said I was untrue
I never found a home inside of you.
Never let it be said I was untrue
I gave you all my time.

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Mar. 27th, 2006 | 10:23 am

so, not much has really been new. i'm bored out of my gourd most days. i started running this morning, which, honestly, wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. well, here's my latest ticker. this is all i have to report for now. wish SOMETHING exciting would happen around here.

oh, last night after tom dropped off hunter, i called to ask him why 1. he didn't tell me his aunt died. 2. why he didn't go to the funeral. well, he then asks if i've 'lost a few lbs'. i said uhhh, yeah. quite a few. he said, 'oh, don probably hasn't noticed cause he sees you everyday.' i said 'tom, i weigh less than when we got married, how could don NOT notice?' what a bonehead.

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mid point

Mar. 5th, 2006 | 01:22 pm

halfway there. seems like an eternity to get this far. whew. i'm on a mission, completely focused and totally obsessed with my goal.

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why did i get out of bed?

Feb. 28th, 2006 | 09:22 am

i had such a restless night of sleep. i kept waking up thinking it was already morning. when i finally did wake up for good this morning, i'm so bloated my eyes look like i was punched and i'm having palpatations. i didn't consume too much sodium yesterday, so i'm assuming it's my period. it's added 2lbs to my already fat body, and i feel gross. i'm aching and can barely stay awake. the house seems to never get clean and i just can't take it. i yelled at hunter this am, cause he handed me a test to sign that he got a 50 on. the teacher put a note on it 'this was an open book test'. i was livid. he's so unfocused and i don't know what else to do to get him on track. he's smart, just so unfocused. spends his day dreaming about anime. if they could incorporate yu gi oh, or dragon ball into his social studies he'd be interested. i'm so frustrated. sigh.

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here i am

Jan. 3rd, 2006 | 10:33 am

i have not posted in a while because not only have i been busy with the holidays, but i somehow also still think i'm a child and on christmas vacation from life. so, i've been busy, AND lazy.
the holidays were nice, hunter and don enjoyed their gifts, as did i. don woke me at midnight on xmas to exchange gifts, and it was sweet and romantic (as romantic as i like to get, i'm not a mushy girl like that). he got me BEAUTIFUL dolce & gabbana perfume, lots of bath stuff, godiva chocolate, and cd's. he's really been the best lately. hunter left xmas morning around 9 to go to his dads and was gone all week. don worked weird hours, so he was home a lot and we had lots of nice quiet time together. new year's eve, we decided to stay home, and we played board games and got drunk. again, another nice evening. all in all, the holidays were quite pleasant. in a way, i'm kinda glad our families live far away and we weren't under any pressure to go see this one or that one.
i hope the few people that do read this have a very happy and healthy new year. i'm hoping for the same for us here. punching out for now.

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snow day

Dec. 9th, 2005 | 08:59 am

we got the storm..... so far we have about 3 inches, but it just changed over to a rain/ice/snow mixture. they cancelled school, and hunter and i are bored already and it's only 9 am.
i heard you have a S-load of snow!!!!

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Nov. 29th, 2005 | 11:18 am
mood: hopefulhopeful

my darling son was trying to be helpful.... he was trying to take responsibility for HIS fish...

when we first got the betta, i bought 'betta pellets'... she HATED it. refused to eat it. i did keep it though, who knows why. she and the platy both enjoy flakes. i feed them a tiny bit in the am and a tiny bit in the pm. hunter decided the other day he wanted to feed them. he dumped an GINORMOUS amount of of the pellets in there. i scooped out what i could when i found them sunday. today... the tank is cloudy, and the pellets i couldn't catch sunday have started to mold. i spent a half hour just now scooping, and sifting... scooping and sifting. HOPEFULLY, the tank clears up, and the fishes with be A-OK. keep your fingers crossed for spike and orangie (i didn't name them!!!)

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waiting for the phone to ring

Nov. 23rd, 2005 | 08:49 am

so, this is the newest, they went to A doctor yesterday (not a gastroenterologist, just a general practioner) and he ALSO told them that tom needs to have an endoscopy, they need to see where the bleeding is originating from, and stop it. apparently, she told the dr, they don't have health insurance, so he won't be getting that done. maybe she's waiting for him to bleed to death? my M-I-L said he's extremely pale and so weak he has to lean against things to stand up. so, i'm waiting for the phone to ring and tell me that he's gone. sad. so sad these two are. grown adults and they act like children playing house.

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Never ending BS, this is long....

Nov. 22nd, 2005 | 09:36 am

so, first it was the whole thing with hunter's toe. tom never brought him home. then, sunday, i call at 7 pm (hunter is supposed to be home around 5), tom is whispering 'i can't talk now, there is a situation, hunter isn't involved, i'll call you in 10 mins on my way home'.... half hour goes by, i call again. he says that his brother and sister in law were fighting and he had to intervene. that he was over there with hunter, and brought hunter back to his house (really his girlfriend's parents house) and went back to his brothers to resolve things. he said that he didn't think hunter should come home anyway, because his foot still hurt and he needed to rest. said he was going to be home monday anyway. i told him no, hunter NEEDED to come home, he missed 3 days of school last week. he said 'well, if you want him, you come get him'. he was slurring. i call back at 8, he says, i thought we decided hunter was going to stay, i said no, we didn't. he said, 'fine, come get him'. he was still slurring. don and i got dressed. i called back, to make sure that tom hadn't changed his mind, and started to drive hunter home. hunter answered the phone, and was whispering. i said, hi baby, don and i are coming to get you, you have school tomorrow, and your class trip, you can't miss another day. he said 'mommy, don't come here'. then i hear the girlfriend in the background 'FUCK YOU, BLAH BLAH BLAH, THATS ALL I HEAR FROM YOU... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK YOU'. i said who is she yelling at? hunter said i think her parents. i told him to get his stuff together we'd be there soon. i hang up, the phone rings again. it's my ex mother in law. she says what does hunter want for xmas. this is the FIFTH time she's called for that, i KNOW she's digging for info about tom and kim, that SOMETHING is going on. told her i had to go, we were leaving to get hunter she said, oh, please call when you get there, she made a reference to tom's voicemail, but i didn't know what she was talking about. we get to the house, the girlfriends father opens the door. the living room is dark and the only light is coming from the kitchen. hunter is getting his things together. i hear tom and kim's bedroom door open, and her screaming, then tom appears in the living room. he's slurring, in this dark room, his pupils are like pinheads, and he's nodding off mid-sentence speaking to hunter and i. i knew IMMEDIATELY he was high. i always assume he is, and it's not the first time i've seen him like this, but he's such a good liar, it's like a jedi mind trick he plays on you. i ask 'whats wrong', he said nothing, i'm just exhausted. i wanted to get hunter out, without arguing with tom. i didn't want the girlfriend to appear, cause she's an asshole, and i've had it out with her junky ass on more than one occassion as well. the two of them, start over-compensating, 'oh hunter, do you need your helmet?, do you want to take home movies?, where's your helmet?' keep in mind, NOTHING ever comes home from there. it's like a black hole, every toy, article of clothing goes there and never comes back. i'm just trying to get hunter out, i said, say goodbye to daddy, he picks hunter up (hunter's NOT little, he's 4'8", and 80lbs), and tom nods off holding him in the air. tom follows us out, leans in the car to kiss hunter goodbye and nods off AGAIN, so what was supposed to be a little goodbye kiss, turned into something inappropriate cause he nodded off. told him to call me in the am, i wanted to speak to him, he got defensive and started yelling, we drove off.
in the morning, on the way to the bus, hunter tells me that tom and kim were arguing because 'daddy took medicine that kept making him fall asleep and kim got mad'. he also told me that he had only been at his uncles the AFTERNOON before for 10 mins and that tom took him back to the house, then left till evening. i called my sister in law and left a message, wanting to know if tom was truley there to 'resolve' a conflict. i also called and left a message for toms younger brother, who after tom got him addicted to heroin when he was 14, is now a drug/alcohol counselor. by 2pm, tom still hadn't called, so i called him. his phone went straight to voice mail, and the message was the nitwit girlfriend speaking 'hello, you've reached tom's mailbox, tom doesn't typically accept anything but business calls on this phone, unless it is his son. if this is a friend or family member and it's an emergency, please leave a detailed message and tom will get back to you, god bless.'..... i'm thinking WTF? i called my mother in law, only to tell her i heard the message. she said tom is in the ER and no one would tell her why. said she had called the house in the am, and kim's mother answered and said that kim had taken tom to the ER early and that she would have to wait to hear from kim. she refused to tell martha what hospital, or WHY they went. i IMMEDIATELY assumed OD. i told martha what had happened the night before. then michael called me back and said there is NO WAY that tom is sober. he's seen him recently, and he was obviously high, but denied it. we spoke at lenth, and i found out a lot of things i should have known, but didn't.
M-I-L called back at 430, and said they were STILL in the ER and the kim's mother still wasn't offering info, but that she got a message from kim saying that tom had been vomiting blood since tuesday, and they were going to admit him. she told M-I-L, NOT to come to the hospital cause it was VERY BUSY. of course, my M-I-L went to the hospital. she also called toms brothers and told them what was going on. apparently, while she was driving to the ER, both his brothers called, and told him they know he's on drugs, and want him in a rehab. kim flipped and cursed them both out, saying terrible things to both of them. M-I-L shows up, and kim curses her out too. tom calls me, curses me out. says he's going to get custody of hunter, blah blah blah. this continued ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL night long.
you have NO idea, how sick i am of the junky BS from these two. it's been 10 years with tom, and 3 years with kim. the lies, the sneakiness, the fights. i'm not angry this time. i just want tom clean. i want him away from her, since she is mean to my son. she doesn't take care of her own child, how can she be trusted with mine? i don't want my son in a vehicle with people nodding off, i don't want him in a house of constant arguing. i'm just so fed up. so fed up.
i've rambled enough. i tried to sum up the best i could but, it's so long and so ugly...... sorry.

this is what he's been diagnosed with, and checked himself out of the hospital against medical advice. bonehead, didn't want to stay and get an endoscopy. i really don't want to have to tell hunter his father is dead.

another update:
got an email from the girlfriend, denying that this is what he has... she said he has acid reflux. she is also denying that he has hep C (which he was diagnosed with several years ago), these 2 are f'ing nuts. f'ing nuts. f'ing nuts.

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deadbeat dad

Nov. 16th, 2005 | 04:34 pm
mood: enragedenraged

my son got his toe stuck between the metal frame and the mattress of his bed last night. i figured he sprained and bruised it, until this am, when he was getting ready for school, and it was purple and he couldn't bear weight on it. the bruise has spread to his other toe and down the bottom of his foot.
now, i don't drive anymore. my car isn't even registered anymore. i called my ex (my sons father) at 10 am, and asked him if he could take my son to get an xray, JUST TO MAKE SURE, he only broke the toe, and not other bones. sure sure sure he said. i'll get out of work early and come get him. well, it's 430..... he just called, and said that he was going to bring hunter to the ER by him and keep him home for the rest of the week, cause it's HIS birthday tomorrow. IS THIS MAN OUT OF HIS FUCKING MIND?! i said no. hunter is not going to have to be out of school for several days for a broken toe! he argued and argued, and what it boils down to is, HE DOESN'T WANT A MEDICAL BILL IN HIS NAME!
fucking junky scumbag.

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